WHAT IS FAMILY BRIDGES?
Family Bridges has been designed to deal with children “whom courts and therapists have traditionally viewed as beyond help.”. These include three main types of severely alienated children, those who (1) reject the TP after divorce, (2) refuse and/or resist contact with a TP and (3) have a seriously strained relationship with a TP, which manifests as either “extreme withdrawal or gross
contempt.”. Using “evidence-based instruction principles to maximize learning and create a safe atmosphere,” in Family Bridges, alienated “children develop skills to resist outside pressures,” while TPs “learn how to sensitively manage their children’s behavior, and the family learns tools to effectively communicate and manage conflicts.”
Basic Principles
As the program is “dedicated to educational intervention rather than a therapeutic one,” its 10 guiding principles, the result of evidence discerned from multiple peer-reviewed studies, reflect this unique method for treating alienated children:
The program is dedicated to educational intervention.
Keep a lid on strong emotions. Families participating in the program often arrive with very strong emotions: anxious, confused and angry kids and equally anxious, but often overwhelmingly joyful (at the prospect of being reunited) parents. In order to create a sufficiently calm and safe atmosphere that is more conducive to learning, these strong emotions on both sides must be monitored and contained (Warshak, 2010b).
“Focus on the present and future and not the past.” In order to “spare[] participants difficult, shameful, and unproductive confrontations, and fruitless quests to apportion blame,” Family Bridges focuses on “moving forward with a better relationship.” (Warshak, 2010b, p. 59). From the initial orientation, “[c]hildren and parents are told that there will be no blaming and airing of grievances.”
Focus on educational techniques. The key here is that the program is education—not treatment—based. Using “concepts derived from replicated and peer-reviewed scientific research in cognitive, social, and developmental psychology, sociology, and social neuroscience,” the program offers “an intensive course on concepts taught in formal classrooms, adapting and tailoring …materials, and procedures to the developmental level and circumstances of the children.”
(Warshak, 2010b, p. 59).
Encourage children’s autonomy. Guided by the Montessori educational principle “children learn best when they have control over their learning”, Family Bridges invites children “to set the pace, to decide when to take breaks or when to end the day.” Children especially “experience this as liberating because in the past they have felt pressured to adopt certain attitudes and thoughts about their parents.” (Warshak, 2010b, p. 59).
The program is usually held in a casual, resortlike setting.
Focus on critical thinking, as opposed to rote learning. The Family Bridges educational workshop rejects procedures that “bypass critical thinking, such as repetitive lectures, suggestions, one-sided portraits of parents … that attempt to persuade,
influence, or program children.” (Warshak, 2010b, p. 59–60).Instead, using multi-media presentations, children learn how those strategies, which their APs have been using on them for years, work, and also “raise their awareness of the many factors that
can influence attitudes and behavior.” (Warshak, PARENTAL ALIENATION, TRADITIONAL THERAPY, AND FAMILY BRIDGES 11
2010b, p. 60). After studying the program, Kelly (2010) noted that the children, themselves, are
taught to develop “better critical thinking skills.” (p. 83).
Help the child “save face.” Because an alienated child has taken a previously strong position against the target parent, s/he often has no way to repudiate that position without suffering extreme embarrassment. For this reason, the Family Bridges program believes attempting to elicit an apology or retraction will cause the child participants to reject reconciliation efforts (Warshak, 2010b).
To avoid this problem, Family Bridges never asks a child “to revisit their past mistakes, acknowledge wrong-doing, or apologize for mistreating” the TP (Warshak, 2010b, p. 60). And, to help TPs, who often harbor hurt feelings and want an apology, the program encourages these parents to view their children in these circumstances as casualties, as opposed to independent actors. In this way, children are spared “unnecessary guilt and shame” (Warshak, 2010b, p. 60), but instead are allowed to save face, while at the same time “safely experience and express benevolent feelings” for the TP (Warshak, 2010b, p. 60).
Recognize human fallibility. Hand-in-glove with the focus on face-saving for the children, the program helps all participants understand “how distortions in memory, perception, and thinking occur, the role of suggestibility and negative stereotype
formation, and the ease with which this happens.” (Warshak, 2010b; Kelley, 2010, p 83; Rand, 2018).
Foster positive experiences. Contributing to “a tendency to interpret neutral events in a benign light,” and helping to ease the management of “inevitable irritations and disagreements,” the program fosters an “abundance of positive experiences.” (Warshak, 2010b, p. 60).To aid in this work, the program “is usually held in a casual, resortlike setting [that] helps create a sense of ease, with
opportunities to ‘hang out’ with the rejected parent if the child so chooses.” (Kelly, 2010, p. 84; Rand, 2018).
The program lasts four days.
Understand there are multiple perspectives.
In order to “interrupt rather than perpetuate the unhealthy family dynamic of blame and exclusion,” Family Bridges stresses “relationship and conflict management … [by] understanding and respecting multiple perspectives.” (Warshak, 2010b, p. 60).
Conflict management. The Family Bridges workshop draws on “the body of research … more commonly used in college lassrooms,” to teach conflict management. The materials have been “adapted for the developmental and cognitive abilities of
children and their circumstances in high-conflict families.”
Safe Atmosphere In order to have an atmosphere that is conducive to “willing participation and active learning,” the alienating parent has been excluded from the process by the family court. In addition, from the very beginning of orientation, limits are set, including the prohibitions against re-hashing the past, blaming and the airing of grievances. And of course, any form of physical and verbal abuse (whether by the parent or the child) is also forbidden. Likewise, in keeping with its commitment to empowering the children, the workshop’s leaders continually identify and support the children’s autonomy to participate and respond (or not) and to set the pace.
Tailored to Meet Individual Needs While the workshop’s leaders begin their fourday programs with “a general plan of what aterial and exercises to present … the final selection of procedures is governed by the needs and reaction of the participants. The procedures evolve as new material is added and refined.” (Warshak, 2010b, p. 63)
What the Program Teaches
The program’s primary educational goal is to teach children “how to think critically and how to maintain balanced, realistic, and compassionate views of both parents.”
What the Program Believes Proper Parental Alienation Intervention Entails In order to protect children from the harm of PA, researchers have determined that the intervention must include: (1) education about PA and its consequences; (2) challenges to the child’s distorted thinking; (3) instruction in critical thinking skills; (4) a focus on improving the relationship between the child and the target parent; (5) preparation of 12 AMERICAN JOURNAL OF FAMILY LAW the alienating parent for the improved relationship between the child and the target parent; (6) conflict resolution strategies for all; and (7) the establishment of “healthy boundaries and communication within the family.” (Templer, Matthewson, Haines, & Cox, 2017, p. 118–19).